27.10.11

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Oh, hello there. Consider these self portraits 'proof of life'.  Just. These really should be Lalie's 9 month portraits, but it's just all a bit too hard at the minute.

Life here is a little overwhelming, to say the least. It seems my 'step' has busted a spring or two. I feel like I'm trying to keep my head above water in a sea of things that need doing and the fact that it's near on impossible to achieve anything with a crawling baby who is just. into. everything. I can't divert my attention for a single second. It's so bloody exhausting. Even though these last few weeks she's been sleeping through more often than not (touch wood), the constant baby spotting/following/relocating during the day is leaving me completely knackered. Honestly, I'm not sure which is worse....

...I take that back. The broken sleep is worse. I'm just having a whinge.

It seems our house is a complete hazard for an exploring baby. Something I remained ignorant about until she started pulling everything on top of her, slamming drawers and doors and trying to eat random small choke-able objects. So the past few days weeks have been spent trying to make our abode a safer one - somewhere when she can explore freely and I can relax. But again, trying to do this while keeping said baby from harms way is proving to be both difficult and time consuming.

Baby steps, they say.

I escaped for a few hours yesterday to the hairdresser.  My Mum came to over to watch Lalie for me. It's only the second time I've left her in someone else's care - something I need to start doing a little more often. I was gone for over four hours and I didn't miss her at all until I came home and saw her again. Then my heart flooded. Paddy must get that feeling every night when he comes home from work. There's always a minute of magic between them when they reunite after a long day of separation. It was nice to have missed her - to greet her with such enthusiasm and have her cuddle into me more snugly than ever, letting me know she'd missed me too.

Oh my, I'm really on a ramble here. basically I just wanted to say thanks so much for visiting this little space and I'm sorry if I haven't been popping by your place as regularly as usual. I'm struggling to find the time to blog at all, so visits and comments are really stretching it. But I hope to be back wholeheartedly very soon, once I get things in order learn that 'good enough' is, well... good enough.

43 comments :

  1. Claire, you're just beautiful. And your good enough is EXCEPTIONALLY good.

    God, we are so similar, I left Max with my MIL for the second time the other day, & I went into Melbourne, & felt so.free.

    So I came to the same realisation. Breaks are GOOD!

    I'd even go as far as saying they make a better parent out of you :)

    As for baby proofing, it's a never ending job. I basically close every single door, & do a quick once over of the floors in the morning & then take better comfort in knowing that on that particular day, he go wherever he pleases really :)

    Good luck, & ... your hair looks beautiful! xx

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  2. Struggling? Overwhelmed? You mean looking damn gorgeous with the best hair going around! Claire that is the best hair! Hang in there lady. Kellie xx

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  3. loving the hair too. go gently. x.

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  4. love the hair Claire. xx

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  5. I totally get the overwhelmed with a baby feeling! Some days are pretty tough.. If you ever get a chance, go out for coffee and read wonderfully trashy magazines by yourself for an hour. Savour the quiet. It feels wonderful. xx

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  6. Oh Claire, it IS exhausting and you're not alone with your frustrations and feelings. I'm guilty of not being able to 'let go' enough either. Have to sort of kick myself out the door, but it's a breath of fresh air when I do. Doesn't have to be for long, but just enough time to make you feel enthusiastic and inspired again. I can see that you're hair date went very well, looking gorgeous :o)
    And isn't it amazing just how hazardous our homes can be to tiny tots... no one ever really 'gets' that until they've got a crawling/toddling babe around.
    Hope you get some more downtime real soon xo

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  7. my friend, you are beautiful. Look at your face. beautiful. Your hair looks amazing and i'm glad you took some time for you.

    As for life, it's hard. We find low lying light weight baskets great for storing toys along with those cheap ikea cube shelves. It changes at every stage though.

    Know that you are excellent.

    xo em

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  8. I am so appreciative of your honesty. My baby boy is only 8 weeks old and I am already struggling. With so much. The change of role from independent worker women to full time mum, the isolation at home, the lack of me time, the guilt at wanting me time, the fatigue....

    It is wonderful to tap into blogs like yours that make me realise that I am not alone in my anxieties.

    M,
    Melbourne

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  9. my friend always says to me "close enough is good enough." wise, wise words. xx

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  10. Baby steps for all of us first time round for everything. It's hard to settle into changed routines and let's face it, anything is challenging with broken, reduced sleep. Our 4 1/2 year old still has phases of bad sleeping and I scream inside my head thinking "when will it end" and then it does!

    Our eldest used to love pulling all the books off our bookcases which was fine until one day I saw her holding the shelf and it start to rock towards her! OMG - BUT, she survived us and her sister did too!

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  11. You should see my house - half a playpen tied to the bottom of the stairs, the other half shoved in behind the fridge to block access to the kitchen, and, during the day, all the dining chairs stacked on top of the table to prevent climbing. So much climbing. I reckon it's almost worth emptying the cupboards and shelves into packing boxes for these years and just leaving the kids in a (padded) empty room with a bucket of pegs to sort through. Hmm, there's a thought... x

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  12. Yes, it is so exhausting!
    Good on you for taking a break, and enjoying it. These breaks do make us better parents.
    Lalie - you've got a very beautiful Mummy x

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  13. I remember blogging too much when che was lalie's age- which meant I got completely overwhelmed by everything else. You will find a way, it just takes time and nothing is ever, ever perfect.

    I got my hair done today too - hooray for a snippet of time without someone hanging off me. xxx

    ps. i'm incredibly grateful to see a few pics of you and all your gorgeousness. xxx

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  14. Yes, a million times yes. It's so good leaving them though, I think you need to do it more often, for you. Also, you're gorgeous.

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  15. I hear you! Nothing like a few hours of you time to re-charge tho xx

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  16. Thank you for sharing! Love your blog.
    Oh I can relate with baby on the move and having to baby safe the house . Our youngest is one and I have forgotten how many hazards there are.
    Tomorrow is a new day. Good luck

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  17. Bet lalie had a lovely time with her granny & you will have more energy for your break. I remember how grateful I was for those breaks and that I was a better mummy for them.
    On the home front remember that children will remember that you played with them, not that their home was tidy. I was three children in before I really got that, and then only sometimes but I do know it is true!

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  18. Being a third time mum with the youngest just about to turn 18 (months that is) I realized the best thing to do is.... pack everything away, just get rid of it all, all knick knacks, all prized possesions and all remotes. What they crawl to now they take and run away with soon.
    it does get better then we can all redecorate and clutter to our hearts content. I have not had a break from my 18month old once at all, must admit is a bit tiring but at least I have a hairdresser that does home visits. Love your hair

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  19. Gorgeous natural photos of you sweet Claire. I'm glad to hear you had some you time, it feels good to have just a little bit it makes all the difference. Yes there does seem to be lots of hazards doesn't there at the start, it's such a busy time and your always hovering making sure they don't put things in their mouths. You'll have it child proofed in no time:) Take care. xo

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  20. Beautiful hair and face up there. And you're doing a beautiful job with it all too.

    Your honesty is lovely and i hope you get back into a 'good enough' rythm soon xx

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  21. love your portraits! those crawlers are a handful. i too felt overwhelmed at that stage with keeping my little gal out of the bad things. there is a beautiful documentary 'babies' that you have probably seen...but it somehow gives me peace when times are a little, well, rough.

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  22. I love you Claire ... your gorgeous, your honest, your funny ... if only I lived closer so we could have a cuppa together (assuming you would want to of course!)

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  23. Well you look beautiful for a tired mumma :) I can only say I know how you feel. I keep reminding myself it's only a short period in their life. Time on your own does you good though. It's obligatory! Take care xxx

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  24. I totally understand your feeling overwhelmed, I've felt exactly the same this week bringing our new bub home, despite having the support and assistance of hubby and my mum. Being a Mum is no easy job and you will find yourself constantly juggling things, prioritising and judging yourself. It's hard to let your expectations drop a little, but it's important not to expect too much of yourself. You are doing a fantastic job, remember that :)

    Glad you took some 'me time' for yourself (something I find hard to do too) - gorgeous photos of yourself x

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  25. Oh Claire, I absolutely empathise with you on this one. It's so challenging with a little one, I was just saying to Chris today I feel like the house is caving in on me. And you'll notice that there is a strong correlation between Rosie walking and me stopping blogging efforts. Family comes first and I'm sure everyone understands if you don't comment as often. Just posting up gorgeous pics like these ones is effort enough. Shite. I'm on a ramble too now! Just take it easy and do little bits at a time. Be kind to yourself. Anna x

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  26. go Claire go...you can do it...and you are looking pretty awesome wow wow wow :)
    xox

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  27. i hate that it gets so hard, then easy, then hard and so on...i know that feeling only so well with being back at work 3 days a week. but honestly the other 4 i can't bear to be without her.
    having a little giveaway at mine if you get a second from chasing your cherub, x ashley

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  28. Oh Claire, you are indeed beautiful. Inside and out. That hair of yours is divine lady. It's your blog. Ramble away to your heart's content. That's why we all love you and this little space of yours. With baby #1 it's all about learning as you go. And then #2 comes along and turns out she is polar opposite of baby #1 and you have to learn everything all over again, ha!

    It's all about relocating everything to higher ground. xx Ps Yup take it easy and come back when you're ready. You can't do everything. It's better to do one thing really well than try and do too many things and feel crappy. Hope that makes sense?

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  29. Claire...look at your beautiful hair! You really are gorgeous inside and out.
    Take as much time as you need. You and your family come first and whilst I think you have wonderful blog-manners (you are such a loyal and lovely commenter) it can all be too much sometimes and really no-one minds, especially when you are in the midst of first year baby-ness.
    Also I love your rambling.
    Take very good care xx
    ps. Sigh...just looking at your golden locks again and still wishing I had white girl hair :) xx

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  31. Oh my gosh! I could have written this entire post myself-it is literally like you have taken the words out of my mouth! I finally got my hair done after a year of neglect, and my little girl is constantly on the move too.
    Bek xx

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  32. I know this teetering feeling all too well. Be kind to yourself and your beautiful hair. x

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  33. Hi Claire - what type of camera is that? You always take such beautiful pictures.

    Eloise

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  34. I know your having a well earned break ... and that I have already commented on this post but I just wanted to say that I miss you and that I hope you are enjoying every single day x

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  35. i love your blog. even if you were to post photos of a dead rat, i'd still want to read your words. i wish you all the luck in getting back on track. i'm not a mother yet, but i know things have a way of settling and working themselves out. you have a beautiful family that you are very deserving of. you're amazing! xx

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  36. Love those self portraits! You are not alone. All mamas know how you feel. You reminded me of me when you said it was only the second time you had left your baby in someone else's care. By the time my eldest was one we had only been apart a couple of times. It can take time to allow yourself the freedom to do things without bub and feel fine with it. Give everything time.

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  37. That is a stunning photo of you with your nice camera and you look pretty on it :)

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  38. That is a stunning photo of you with your nice camera and you look pretty on it :)

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  39. That is a stunning photo of you with your nice camera and you look pretty on it :)

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  40. That is a stunning photo of you with your nice camera and you look pretty on it :)

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  41. That is a stunning photo of you with your nice camera and you look pretty on it :)

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  42. That is a stunning photo of you with your nice camera and you look pretty on it :)

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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment - it really means so much. I will try to reply where I can! xx