***

Have you ever needed to drive a car that's a lot bigger than what you're familiar with and you end up pranging it because you're not used to having to allocate extra room to maneuver around things?

...well, I have found myself in a very similar predicament, in my house, sans car. I am literally knocking my hips into everything as I walk past, totally misjudging the space required to transport myself around our furniture. This is not a good sign, people!

I've never been a petite girl by any means, I'm tall and a fairly solid but feminine build. I've fluctuated with my weight for years, and the need to strip back a few kg's is something that I've been faced with more times than I care to remember. I've always been successful with losing weight. When I make that decision and commit, I can halve my size in a couple of months. Keeping it off? Totally rubbish. And so here I am again, heavier than I'd like to be and this time with a few extra post pregnancy lumps and bumps.

I've been having a hard time mustering the motivation to stop slobbing around the house and eating chocolate and various baked goods. I'm hoping that writing this and putting it out there will help trigger a much needed change. It's easy when you're tired to fall into bad habbits, but I look and feel my worst, and it's seriously impacting on my mood and my confidence.

The above photo was taken the day before our wedding. My friend Miriam and I (blonde) sorting out the seating plan, hence the confused, crinkled brow. I don't know if it's the same for you but no matter how slim I am, I always think I'm chubby at the time. Then when I really AM chubby, and look back on older photos, I can't believe how bloody skinny I was! Does that make sense? Probably not - obviously my health issues go beyond the physical.

If any of you lovely people have any tips on losing the dreaded baby weight, please feel free to spill the very healthy green beans.

***

I know, enough with the instagram pics already. Sorry.... but it's the best I've got. Remember my hard drive crashed and I lost everything? Same thing has happened to Em at The Beetle Shack. I've got my fingers crossed for you, Em - hopefully not all is lost.

...thank God for camera phones. I was flicking through and came across these photos I took of our old apartment in Sydney. It was a converted warehouse and we loved it. Unfortunately, we had to sell when we moved up here. We'd never be able to afford to buy it back again. I fell pregnant in that home. Our first home. Although I love our sprawling house here in Townsville, that Sydney shoebox will always hold a special place in my heart.

***

 We are one of the lucky winners of this gorgeous organic cotton change mat cover by Eco Nino. Huge hugs go out to the beautiful Jodi at Ché and Fidel for hosting such a fantastic giveaway. Lalie is very excited by the organic goodness under her delicate skin. Her change table is now officially the happiest place on earth!

Five Smiles

Thank you all for your kind comments about the loss of my friend, Eirin. She will be dearly missed.

As you can imagine, I've not had a lot to smile about this week... but here are a few things keeping my chin up.Vintage flowers in frames
Tiny chubby fingers and beautiful baldy heads
Catching rays and z's on the back deck
Big hands and tiny buns
A tropical paradise called home.


Hope you all had a relaxing weekend xx

last goodbye

Our dear friend Eirin has suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. It's very hard to process what has just happened. The Doctors said her heart just stopped. She was only twenty five. Twenty five.

Just stopped.


We met Eirin by chance while we were living in London, seven years ago. We were renting in a share house at the time and a friend of our housemate asked us at the last minute if his Norweigan friend could stay with us, as they had no spare beds. This sort of thing happened a lot. I don't think we had a bed, but we had a couch. So stayed she did. And became friends we did. Something clicked and over the next couple of years, Eirin often came to visit us in London where we would go "shopping bananas". The girl loved fashion, perhaps even more than me. We'd spend the evenings drinking wine and having mini fashion parades before heading out for the night. Paddy was very patient with our young, girly antics.

We had always planned to visit Eirin in Norway and go skiing in the winter. But we were penniless travellers and unfortunately it never eventuted. I so desperately wish we had gone. Not for the skiing. Not for the experience of travel. Just for Eirin. It would have meant so much to her.

When we moved back to Australia we stayed in touch and in December 2007 Eirin came to visit us. I remember her excitement leading up to her holiday. She worked all through her Summer vacation to save money for the tickets and her "shopping bananas" fund. We showed her the best of Sydney and the Blue Mountains and then she joined us and our families in Townsville for Christmas. We welcomed the first sunrise of 2008 at Bondi Beach. Only real friends do these kinds of things.

Eirin was in the process of planning her next visit - to move to Sydney. To study there. She had plans for her future. Dreams. She wanted to do something extraordinary with her life.

Just stopped.

Eirin told Paddy on the phone just days ago how much she loved this blog - loved seeing what we were up to. Loved that she could watch Eulalie grow and see glimpses of our home. She said it made her feel inspired.

I'm glad that she felt inspired. More than anything though, I hope she felt loved and adored the same way she made us feel.

Farvel,  Eirin. I have faith in something wonderful and peaceful just beginning for you.

♥♥♥

Our deepest, most sincere condolences extend to Eirin's family. We are sending our love all the way from Australia. You are in our thoughts and in our hearts.

5 months

I started bawling the other night during Masterchef. Paddy looked over at me from the other end of the couch with a concerned expression. His eyes darted between the T.V and me, as if trying to figure out what had happened during the Pressure Test that had turned me into such an emotional wreck.

"What's wrong?"
"I don't want her to grow up", I blurted. "I just want her to be a baby forever. I want her to stay just like this".
He smiled. "Yeah I know... but you wait until she's running around and talking and all those things. Every stage is going to feel like the best stage. It's only going to get better and better, you'll see".

In my heart of hearts, I know this must be true. But it's just so hard to fathom that she could be any cuter. That we could lover her any more. My heart explodes.

I'm so desperate to hang on to this time with her, but I can't wait for all those next stages and the joy, love, tears, frustration, exhaustion, laughter, affection and wonder that they will bring.

Happy 5 months Lalie Bug! You are everything. And then some.

***

We're a little late but we're planting our seeds and crossing our fingers. We've already got a barrel of herbs on the go and we're hoping some of these vegetables will sprout. There's not a green thumb between us but we've always dreamed of having our own organic vegetable garden. Up until now, the only plant i've managed to keep alive is a Zanzibar (seriously, those things just won't die) but that was back when we were living in a south facing Sydney apartment - not exactly the best habitat for a flourishing garden. Lets see how we go with our quarter acre, the great australian dream. If there's no follow up posts of our glorious harvest, you'll know we failed miserably.

Coincidentally, we planted on a full moon so hopefully the universe will respond with bountiful rewards.

five smiles

To counteract all my dismal ramblings about sleep deprivation etc etc etc blah blah blah, I've decided to do a post a week including photographs of things that are making me smile. Five things to be exact. One for each (non) working day of the week.
 Owl cookie jars and teapots in the prettiest of purples


 Kookaburras canoodling in our frangipani tree

 Giggling babies in clashing prints

 The coolest of crochet blankets in the most unexpected colours

and dainty birds amongst fragile blooms.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend!

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SouleMama: {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

***

My hair was glorious during my pregnancy. Long, thick, shiny, enviable even. I don't think a single strand fell out for the entire nine months.

Since I started breastfeeding I have been losing hair in handfuls. Hundreds of tiny baby handfuls at that. My long locks were her favourite toy. Honestly, it's a wonder I'm not bald. So it was time for the Fun Police to intervene. No more swinging off Mummy's hair. All gone! Ta-ta hair!

***

You've really gotta earn this ones attention. Snob in the making?

***

 

A surprisingly wintry Saturday was spent eating BBQ'd breakfast with Auntie Steph and Uncle Dan followed by a wander through a local antique-come-junk shop. The old wares were slightly overpriced, so we left empty handed... but remained extremely full bellied for the rest of the day.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend!

***

SouleMama: {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

***

Thank you all for your reassuring and supportive comments on my last post. I'm still exhausted but I feel much better after reading about your experiences. Last night was pretty bad. She slept until 2am but then up every hour or so after that. She's not unsettled. She just wants a quick cuddle and a feed and then she goes back to sleep without any fuss. But then she's at it again only an hour later. She's been feeding  A LOT. And I'm wondering if she's gearing up for solids..? When she watches me eat she's very intrigued and makes chewing motions and sucks on her bottom lip. Are these signs?  I wanted to wait until 6 months (at least) but I'm feeling like I can't satisfy her at the moment. A part of me is a bit scared about introducing solids (especially on the early side) because I'm afraid she'll want to wean. And I would just be devastated if that happened. I'd happily get up 895 times a night and feed her to keep her on the boob. Paddy says I'm being silly because she's as obsessed with breastfeeding as I am, and he can't imagine her ever weaning! But still, I worry.

If I was to introduce solids, I'm thinking 5 months is the earliest I would do it.  Do you think that's too early? I'd love to hear about your experiences.

Anyway... I know that caffeinating (is that even a word?) myself into another dimension probably isn't the best way to handle this sleep situation, especially when I'm breastfeeding. But at the moment this beautiful smooth creamy coffee from Coffee Alchemy is my saviour. A distant lover. My old favourite from my old stomping ground - Marrickville, Sydney. My Sister in Law was good enough to bring some up for me on her visit. And I'm only having one a day (okay, sometimes two) Max. Even so, the after effects are quite concerning. There's no wonder the poor baby can't sleep - she's having nightmares about her lunatic goggly-eyed mother.

***

Scenes from our bedroom this morning. A place where sleep is seldom had, and rest is rare.

My Nana gave me the little framed poem for my first birthday. It sits on my dresser and reminds me of what is important in life. This morning, in my emotional, bleary eyed state I wished for one more thing...

...sleep, to make all the rest worthwile.