21.8.14

emerging from the fog | the first year



A Marguerite on a marigold! (in the sweetest little une belle epoque dress and Poet's little bonnet)

Tomorrow will mark exactly one year since Marguerite's 'due date'. This time last year I was waiting eagerly for the arrival of -in addition to my second child - my best friend, Miriam, who was travelling up from Sydney for the birth. Little did we know that our little daisy had other plans. One frustrating week later, Miriam gave my ripe belly a final goodbye rub and boarded a plane back to Sydney. Four days after that I was induced and our sweet girl was born the next day.

Marguerite arrived almost two weeks late and now that I know her, it's plain to see that she was never going to be punctual; this girl is in no hurry. There's so much I want to share with you about this sweet baby and her funny ways, but I'll leave that for a birthday post in a couple of weeks time (and in the meantime I'll try not to get eaten up by the mother-guilt of not having documented her first year anywhere near as wholly and wonderfully as her sisters! I'm hoping this slew of photos makes up for it?!).

I'm really struggling to find the words to describe my experience this past year. Life has thrown her best and worst moments at me. The first six months of Marguerite's life were so perfect and as a mother I felt well in myself;  confident, content, present. As the weeks went on, these positive feelings were suffocated by a thick fog that crept up and engulfed me... and although I never once felt disconnected from my girls (they really are my shining light) at times I felt I couldn't see, couldn't breathe; I had stumbled off my path and I couldn't find my way home.

I'm still somewhere in the fog, but as I come full circle on my first year as a mother of two, I am starting to notice the murky haze slowly dissipate, making way for the warm, welcoming glow of gratitude.

25 comments :

  1. you capture your girls so beautifully. happy birthday marguerite!

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  2. Oh heart! That's tough. So sorry to read this post- but well done, that's all I can say. Well frickin done :) <3

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  3. Your words move me, Claire.
    Thanks for your beautiful honesty.
    Ronnie xo

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  4. She is so gorgeous. And it's quite nice to read your blog again x

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  5. I have two boys that are 20 months apart. My youngest just turned 2, and I will say that I never expected it to be so difficult. Like you, my boys are my everything and I never feel disconnected from them, but the feelings of exhaustion and being continuously overwhelmed are there still. I've had so many mothers tell me that these first years are the toughest, but I can say that I now see a light at the end of the tunnel. Each step the boys take towards being a bit more independent (they play together now and can entertain each other for short bursts- it is a miracle!) makes the mothering job a bit easier.

    No one tells you how hard this parenting thing is- but know there are so many of us out there feeling the very same way.

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  6. beautiful claire, your fog sounds very familiar to me, and with those girls being your shining light. I'm so pleased its beginning to clear. much love to you x

    (and these pictures are stunning)

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  7. Such beautiful pictures. She is so adorable.

    I can really relate to your mother-of-two-first-year-fog. It sure is a full on time and am not to proud to admit that my mental health (and my marriage, oh and my job status) suffered a great deal at that time and only really came good once I had a few seasons with a counselor and the calm slowly descended back on our family. Well, as calm as it will ever be with two rambunctious boys anyway!

    Lovely to here from you again.

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  8. I found the adjustment from one to two children such a huge shift! Far more than when I had my firstborn. I was suddenly divided between my eldest, a toddler and a newborn. I was in such a fog as I kept thinking why didn't anyone say how hard it was going from one to two! I'd only read about the adjustments of becoming a first time Mum which I'd adjusted to easily. Like you, my boys were my shining lights and now as I hear them giggling and playing together in an adjoining room aged 4 and 2, I wouldn't have it any other way. Beautiful photos, I love how you dress your girls and appreciate your honest words so much.

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  9. Beautiful Claire. Happy first year Marguerite! xx

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  10. Don't worry. Sometimes the fog helps us appreciate the sunshine. Hang on in there- it is tough and I experienced the exact same thing but if you look after yourself as best you can it will lift, promise x

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  11. Oh Claire, Wowee she is a beauty! Congratulations on your darling second girl. It has been so long since I blogged, that I didn't even realise you'd had another bubby...a whole year ago mind you!! So remarkably like her big sister in a few of these shots, just delightful :)
    I can relate to the fog Claire, the past year has felt similarly for me and I am only just summoning the strength to blog again and hoping to keep it up, as I missed it. I think pregnancy and those early days with a new baby will have that affect on us though, not easy, but so worth it. Lovely to visit here again, J xo

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  12. As always, dear Claire, so inspired by your words and images. You are a rare beauty :)

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  13. I can barely believe your little lady is nearly one! Such beautiful captures of her. Wishing you gentle, happy days as you celebrate your darling Marguerite's special milestone. xx

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  14. She's beautiful, Claire. Lots of love to you xxxx

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  15. I thought I was slack at documenting #2 and then I had #3... babies are busy, busy, busy and they consume us, they eat us even before breakfast. Documenting is almost essential because though we have never done more in our life, we can't remember a single thing. "Fog" is the perfect descriptor, Claire. And flashes as moments - that soft smile, those chubby hands, that shaky gait - emerging from the fog, like brilliant sunshine that lights up our universe. Babies are so much bigger than the rest of us. Marguerite's pictures today made my heart leap and my own babies moments leap along with it. x

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  16. She is just so lovely!!

    Yep another one guilty of a lot less documenting and general fanfare with #2's milestones. (Sorry Ivo!)

    I also know what you mean about fog.. Sometimes I look around and wonder "is this really my life??" and not always in a good way.. Haha!

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  17. Bianca MartinelliAugust 27, 2014

    Oh she is so gorgeous Claire. She really is a mini-you! xx

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  18. that shift is a wild one. i have loved catching glimpses into your world as you make the changes and watch your girls fall in love with each other. it is beautiful and inspiring. may year 2 bring even more goodness to you and yours. x

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  19. Such true words. Universal truths for mothers the world over (at least for me, and I represent all mothers, right?! ehum).

    Thinking of you

    xx

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  21. Oh Claire, wonderful words that resonate SO much with me. Bless you sweet mama x

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  22. I'm not a mother myself but definitely appreciated the insight. I'm glad you're starting to emerge from those unwanted feelings :) xx

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  23. Thank you for sharing your heart ~ as mothers it's always comforting to know other mothers deeply understand these everyday challenges. Your blog writings and photos are always a breath of sweet fresh air :)

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  24. I had never heard a mother's suffering as beautifully and clearly expressed as you just did. Thank you.

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  25. thanks for sharing, I can really relate

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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment - it really means so much. I will try to reply where I can! xx